i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
