Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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