I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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