apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
