im drinking this country out of the recession.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
