you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
