Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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