I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
