He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
