Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
