just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
