i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
