after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
