my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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