I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
