so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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