I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
