my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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