They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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