And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
