She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
