I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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