this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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