absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
