I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
