That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
