I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
