I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
third nipple confirmed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
