AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
