to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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