YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
