Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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