I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
