fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
