Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
