he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
