I'm eating all of the evidence.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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