I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
