if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
