wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
