i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
