awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want to make out with him forever
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
