i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
