why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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