I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
