If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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