I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
