Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
