It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
