some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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