you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
