separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
