There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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