life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
