So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
